Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Paddle Stings for Dirty Things

It had been over a month now since I had a spanking and I was so eager to be getting one today! I never really know what we are doing until I get there, but as far as I understood, we were going to be talking about my diet. I got up early to pack my bag of clothes before heading over to Michael and Dana's place. I made sure to leave early enough to get through traffic and to jam to music so I could calm my dramatically nervous stomach. Since there was a long time in between my last spanking and now, I thought it was going to hurt a lot more. I was right about that part, but was shocked to find out what today's shoot was all about.

Over the time that I wasn't shooting, I was emailing with both Michael and Dana about possibly branching out. I loved doing spanking videos, but am a little dirty minded and thought about doing other types of videos as well. I had gotten a list together of all of the things I might want to do and then sent them a few practice videos. Dana sent me back a few pointers on what to look at and things to avoid doing. It was a lot of fun making these videos, but I honestly thought that it wasn't going to be our main topic for the shoot. I got there and almost immediately was questioned about my videos I sent. 

We talked about it a little and then Michael started to switch up the conversation to spanking while Dana was going through my outfits. She decided on a shimmery sequin green tank with a ruffled uneven black mini skirt. That is when Michael said that the shoot today was going to be about introducing me to porn. I was a little confused at first, but then they both explained that this is new to me and its new for my viewers as well. So to help show everyone what I am going to do and also, to get myself used to being vulnerable on camera, they were going to spank me for being a dirty girl that wants to do porn.

Well, it was not at all far from the truth, but it was still strange to hear out loud that I was in fact going to be doing porn. Now a little history on me will show you that it was almost expected that my life would end up with me doing dirty things on camera for money. Which is not a bad thing at all! I love my body and I believe I'm good at using it in the right way to please others. Back to the shoot, it is totally different to know that you want to do porn and then to say it out loud, on camera, while naked and getting hit. 

Dana was moving around with the camera the entire time and talking to me about all of the videos I sent. I was standing in my high black heels, by myself in front of their fireplace. Michael was going in and out of the video for the entire first half, just coming in to spank me randomly and comment on how dirty I'm being. He would walk by and comment on things like not sending him any of my videos, which was totally a lie! I think he was just so happy to spank me for everything possible since it had been so long. We discussed a few of the videos I sent, some of them being foot fetish videos and Michael came around and held up my size 11 foot to the camera. We mentioned my booty shaking videos, which also gave Michael a reason so spank my butt and watch it jiggle. Of course, it doesn't take much to make my big butt move, but Dana had me show a little booty shaking for the camera. 

She slowly came closer and got lower to get an up-skirt style view of my butt and she was moving the camera everywhere. It was a little strange to have a camera so close to my butt and then to have Michael come in randomly to spank me. He upgraded quickly from his hand to this really mean paddle with small holes in it. Holy heck did that paddle hit hard! I was not prepared for that at all and then he really got into spanking me so much so that Dana had to stop him for a moment. I was fine by that since my bottom was already red hot from that paddle.

Dana then brought up the fact that I was too covered to be a porn star, so I had to start taking my clothes off, slowly. Not before she had me say to the camera that I wanted to make dirty porn videos. I was laughing so hard, I could barely get the words out of my mouth without erupting in uncontrollable laughter. Michael was spanking me so hard and I could not stop laughing at the fact that me, shy girl on camera, was going to be doing very naughty things for the world to see. Michael took a step away for a moment so I could start taking my skirt off very slowly, which I knew would be too much for Michael. He didn't even let the skirt get past my knees before he started hitting me again. Let me just say, that it is very hard to be sexy while getting hit with a paddle.

I was then able to finally get out of that skirt and slowly took off my tank top to reveal my black bra. Dana took a moment to slowly go up and down my body as I turned so to get a close view at every part of me. Then finally following me down as I took off my teeny, tiny green panties. Michael stopped me there and turned me around to help me out of them since I was still wearing my very high heels. All the while, he was playing and bouncing my big butt with his hands and of course spanking it every so often. I turned back around and took off my bra, asking if I could take the heels off with it. Dana laughed, shaking her head no while Michael joked that I have to sleep with the heels on. Walking around in shoes like that takes some getting used to. I took the bra all the way off and Michael took it saying that he was going to keep it. Dana got real close again and slowly shot every part of my body from my feet to my face. She kept saying how I need to get used to being naked on camera and this would definitely take some getting used to. 

I love being naked, but when a camera is involved it feels so different. I still didn't mind much and was not too embarrassed with her going very close to my bare chest and privates. Dana had me turn around and show the camera my ass close up and then mentioned to Michael that I had been not only sending feet and butt videos, but I also sent videos of me masturbating! Michael sounded so appalled that I would send a video with me touching myself for all the world to see. He had me bend over and he hit me really hard, talking about how dirty and slutty I was being. Dana didn't stop there and asked me if I did anything to get myself in trouble lately. Besides the dirty videos, I had gotten into the bad habit of eating junk food.

Now, I know Dana very well and I know that she likes healthy organic food. So when she asked what I considered junk food, I gave her my definition which is anything thats packaged in a bag. This definition was very far off from hers which included anything with a drive-thru and pretty much everything that could be considered convenient. I was turned around real quick and told to put my hands on the wall while Michael paddled me. Not only was my body my temple, but now it was going to be my checking account. Essentially, my body was going to be my money maker (que song pop up in my head) in a very literal sense. So I needed to start taking care of it or Michael would. I got the point very quickly!

Dana mentioned that porn stars get themselves into some very weird positions and asked if I knew what the main position was. I had no clue, but then she mentioned face down and ass up. I couldn't help, but laugh because a ton of songs popped into my head when she said that. I knew exactly what she was talking about and then she had me go and demonstrate what this would look like. I walked over to the bench and got on my knees. sliding my face and arms down so my body was on an angle. Dana said that this looked very nice and that I knew exactly what I was doing there. I knew that this position was good for porn and for spanking. It took Michael a moment to remind me what he was using this position for. 

He started spanking me with his hand very hard near my privates and Dana had the camera right in my face. She asked if that was hurting a lot and told me to keep my eyes on the camera. It was very painful being hit very hard near my spot. Michael and Dana both laughed when I said my spot, my special spot. Obviously, I need to get used to saying dirtier words and talking about my privates a little more openly now. Dana said that a lot of people ask porn stars if they are ready for their close up and then she moved from my face to my back side. Since I want to do porn, when they say close up they aren't talking about my face. Michael was starting to spank me again with the mean paddle and she moved back to my face so I could show the camera a few of my porn faces.

Dana said that I probably deserved ten more whacks and after each face I made, I would get one. So I did my sexy face and got a whack. Then I was supposed to do my bubbly surprised face and I could barely get through that without laughing, but I got another whack. Then she wanted me to do my after sex, relaxed face. I started to do it and then Michael grabbed my hair a little. I didn't have to fake that face I guess, because she had him do it again. I really like having my hair pulled, so since that face was so nice I got three whacks for that one. Michael stopped spanking me and Dana said that with my body language, I was to entice Michael into wanting to give me those last 5 whacks. 

I was having fun so I did it, even though I was not wanting those last hard whacks with that paddle. I wiggled my butt around and slowly grinded on the bench a little. Michael said it was working and gave me a few more hits with the paddle. Dana had me look at the camera while enticing Michael into spanking me a few more times. My spanking didn't end there since Dana asked if I was going to do anything else that would get me into trouble. I said no, but then Michael said that he was going to spank me for every dirty video I put up for the world to see. Dana chimed in that I had already sent her 24 videos, to which Michael sounded shocked that I had sent so many already. Luckily, he put down the paddle, but he still hit me very hard with his hand 24 times. I said to the camera right after that I am Dani Sorrento, spanking model and soon to be porn star! 

It was such a fun and different spanking shoot. It was a great way to come back to spanking and I was thoroughly enjoying my very toasty bottom being so warm from Michael's hand and the very hard paddle. This was definitely a great reminder to show that I will always want to do spanking videos, even if I do porn. I will make time for spanking shoots and I'm sure Michael will always let me know when I need to a spanking. I'm so happy that they are helping me out with not only my spanking shoots, but also editing all of my other types of videos. I can't wait to get started and show everyone what I can do!

Hugs and Lots of Kisses- Dani

See the full video "Paddle Stings for Dirty Things" at

Big Stick Spanking

The Preview Video!!

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Protect Yourself

I knew that today was going to be different since I was getting spanked by Dana instead of Michael. I just didn't know how different it would be and how much of an impact it would have on me. Michael had been emailing me for the last few weeks, saying that he know I had a high pain tolerance and that Dana would be testing out how much I could handle. So I was absolutely expecting it to be more severe and I knew that Dana could hit pretty hard. I got to their place and sat down for our usual talk and I was mentioning a lot about my frustrations with work, mainly my boss and also my employees. So much is expected from me and I don't get the appreciation I deserve for doing it. I have this conversation a lot with them and its not that I don't appreciate having a job in general and there are certain aspects that I enjoy, but I do a lot. I do my job, my boss's job, I clean up after my employees mistakes and I don't stand up for myself. Michael and Dana are constantly telling me that its not okay to be treated this way or to let it get to me in the way that it does. 

After our fairly long talk, they told me to come upstairs and help set up the scene, this time before getting ready with hair and make-up. I walked in to see a bed full of various implements, all of them looking pretty vicious! There had to have been at least a dozen of them, none of them being dainty or small in any way. I got more nervous than usual, but we were just setting up so I still had time to freak out. We went over the scene and positions so we could set up the cameras, all the while Dana was getting in my head about how this way was better for her swing or this way she could hold on tight to me. I knew that she was psyching me out a bit, but it didn't stop it from working.  When the cameras were all set, they let me take a minute to fill out some paperwork. I came back to find Dana sitting in the first position on the bench, waiting for me. She called me over to sit down and then they started filming. 

I was completely thrown off guard. I hadn't gotten changed or done my make-up or anything! Dana began talking about how we weren't going to do that this time, that we were just going to start the spanking. In this scene we were going to be using a multitude of implements on me and then she asked me which one I thought would hurt the most. I pointed to the one next to the cane, which was the curse of Dana Wallop. So she picked it up and made me put out my hand so I could feel the hefty sting. I remembered seeing a video where she tested it and it looked like it hadn't taken much effort or time for her spankee to be crying out in pain. Dana then mentioned that the best part about this one was that it really didn't require much swing for her, she could keep wiggling back and forth effortlessly and it would still hurt tremendously. I definitely believed her, but she put it back down for now and went on to discuss that this video had two names picked out already. Depending on how it went, it would either be called Breaking Dani or Unbreakable Dani. She asked if I thought I could make it through all of those implements, especially since she really didn't want to title it Unbreakable Dani. I nervously said that it looked like a lot of mean implements, but we will have to see if my butt could handle it.

Dana said that we would find out soon and then told me to stand up and grab the first implement while I was up. It was a thick wooden brush and this would be my first time being hit with an actual brush. I grabbed it and then laid across her lap. She asked me if I should even get a warm up since tough girls like me shouldn't. Though, she was kind enough to warm me up while explaining all the areas I could be spanked. She was hitting both cheeks, of course, on the top of my butt, my sit spot, on the sides and lastly the dreadful thighs. The warm up stopped there and she grabbed the brush. It took her only a few swats to pick up some speed and it stung like no other! The actual brush was pretty painful and showed no mercy. Dana started talking about how she made a lot of people wish she had a safe word, which of course I didn't have either. She asked me what I would do if I hit my limit, to which I replied that I would simply get up. Well, of course, its not so simple to get up when Dana has leverage and she showed me. I was to try to get up, while she continuously whacked me hard with the brush, and alas I couldn't. Then she moved my one leg over hers so she could prove an even more strategic way to keep me from moving and then swatted away at the center of my cheeks. I was moaning in pain and wishing that maybe I could wiggle away, but I knew I couldn't and that I had something to prove.

She had me get back into position for a few more whacks and then had me get up again to grab a couple of implements this time. There was a thick, wooden spoon and a thin strap and also a rubber paddle. She started off with the spoon, mentioning how I had experienced a spoon before, but nothing like this one. It was really thick and packed a big bang! I was kicking and moving as much as I could while Dana kept picking me up and slapping my feet away. It hurt so bad, but I knew I could handle more and before I knew it she had switched to the strap. It was so small and sharp, hitting every crevice on my bottom. My poor thighs got the most of it, I was starting to miss the heavy spoon when the strap hit between my cheeks. She moved on suddenly to the rubber paddle. Stopping only to ask if I had experience the rubber before. I had once in my first discipline video, but not like this one. It looked thin, but hit hard! She kept hitting and hitting, I was shouting, but not stopping her. I knew I could handle it, I wish I didn't, but I wasn't stopping her. In fact, she had me get up again and grab the next two. 

I saw the big round paddle coming next and was not looking forward to it. She talked for only a moment before showing no mercy with the dreaded paddle. I wasn't even caring what else was going on at this point, I was in pain and with the paddle it was radiating through my body. It seemed to land straight on my cheeks every time. She kept spanking me really fast for what seemed like a long time and then told me to get up. Knowing that there was only so much force you can put into an otk spanking, we were moving to me on my knees and elbows. She already had another paddle in hand and was talking about how tired she was, which I was as well, but in a completely different manner. She started to hit all over with the rubber paddle, talking about how she was tenderizing my bottom for the other stuff. Then of course, moving on to hitting me hard with that one before grabbing the next one. 

She told me that I learned a lesson not too long ago about the difference between being a submissive and being a pushover.  Dana then kept asking me what that lesson had to do with today's session, while still hitting me. I told her that I couldn't think right now and so she went on to tell me that maybe it had to do with learning when to stand up and protect myself. She tossed that paddle aside and was hitting me with what felt like a whip and kept yelling at me to protect myself. She quickly moved on to another paddle, going right into hitting me hard on my sit spot. I felt myself wanting to get up, but something kept stopping me. It wasn't until the next implement, the curse of Dana, that really made me start to shout! She kept saying that she wasn't going to take it easy on me, but when was I going to protect myself. She stopped for a moment to tell me that just because I can take a skin breaking beating, doesn't mean that I should. I need to decide for myself when its too much and enough is enough. 

I was fighting some real inner demons during the last few minutes. I was in a lot of pain from the wallop, to which she was not cutting me any slack with. I was moving around so much and doing everything besides standing up, to get away from the pain. I wish I had the knowledge that I do now to stand up and stop the beating before it became too much. I kept taking it and taking it and even after she whacked me senseless with the curse of Dana, I didn't stop her. She gave me the opportunity to say that I've had enough, she paused and asked me again before grabbing the cane. I didn't say anything, I wanted to, but my mouth wouldn't move. So Dana had me get back into position. She started immediately hitting me hard with the cane and talked about how I had taken over 115 strokes of the cane with Michael. It was nothing like this, though, this cane was thick and she was giving it all of her might. I was almost getting up, I was screaming and I kept putting one foot down, but I just didn't get up. She again, gave me a chance to stop her, giving me to the count of 5 to stand up. I kept putting a foot down and then back up. It hurt more than any spanking I have ever had before, but something inside of me didn't want to quit. Like I thought that I would disappoint her by stopping too soon, but really I was just disappointing myself and Dana by letting it go on. She hit me really hard after she saw that I wasn't getting up and then she just stopped.

Dana walked over and knelt by my face, making me look at her. She asked why I had let her do this to me, that this was too much! I didn't know, all I could say was that I knew I could handle it so thats why I kept going. At this point, I had begun crying a little for what was a multitude of reasons. She was talking about how I had gone through so much in my life and that my heart had been beat up just as much. I let people walk all over me and a lot of the bad things in my life could have been stopped if I had just stood up for myself. She had me get up and look at her while she told me that she never wants me to let anyone else do this to me, to my butt or my heart. Dana hugged me for a long time and I kept crying. I couldn't stop thinking about everything that I let happen to me in my life. All of the times I let someone take me past my limit, emotionally and physically. I got myself into bad situations just because I didn't want to let someone down or because I thought I could handle it. It doesn't make it okay. I am a tough girl and I have been through a lot. I shouldn't have experienced all of these things, no one should have to go through what I have gone through. Not just with Dana, she only did this cruel spanking to get it in my head that this was not okay. I need to protect myself and hopefully now I can look back on this spanking and learn from it. I definitely don't want to be beat up like that again and I don't want to be emotionally torn down, either. I have to stop letting others treat me like crap and stand up for myself. I can't change the past, but I can make a better future for myself and the people I love.

I have to thank Dana, and Michael, for teaching me this lesson in the harsh way that I know wasn't fun for them either. I cannot share my appreciation enough for what they have done for me. This was by far the most emotional lesson that I needed to learn. Its going to take time, but I think I can slowly start to change that pushover side of me. 


Watch the whole spanking!

"Unbreakable Dani" at :

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Submit and Have Another

I was so excited to see Michael and Dana after an amazing vacation. I had so much to talk about and was happy that I was able to get a discipline session in before heading back to work the next day. As usual, I had no idea what the session would be about today and I didn't bother asking. I trusted Michael enough to know that whatever we discussed would be relevant to my life and what I needed to work through at the time. I felt happy on my way to their place, but halfway there I started to get the nervous butterflies in my tummy. It never ceases to disappoint that in the car ride over, my body realizes its about to be hurt and not knowing how doesn't help. I am always excited, too, knowing that I am getting a spanking, but part of the fun is being surprised about the scenario in which the spanking will take place.

I arrived a few minutes early and caught up with Dana while Michael was still preparing. I was able to see the spanking bench as soon as I walked it. I got more and more nervous as I was sitting there talking. Dana is really great at not bringing up anything that will be happening in the session. So we continued to talk like normal, not mentioning the scary looking bench in the middle of the living room. Michael finally came down and we caught up for a bit before getting to what the session would be about today. He asked me if my views on being submissive have changed since we first got together. I said that I am starting to understand the difference between being submissive and being a pushover. Just because I choose to be submissive, doesn't meant that I have no voice or that I am submissive to everyone. I feel as though wanting respect, but listening to my partner can both be achieved without discrediting the fact that I will submit to my significant other. I was a bit confused on what this had to do with anything, but Michael doesn't forget much so I just figured it was something he remembered about me and wanted to check in with it.

He didn't let me ponder long before bringing up that me being submissive has not shown much in my sessions. I was confused because I thought that being obedient and taking my spanking was me being submissive. It is to an extent, but we were going to go more into it today. He said that he was going to prop me up on the bench and use the cane on me today. I was going to say "please sir may I have another one" after each stroke, as fast as I can until I can't say it anymore or until he feels he is done. I was very nervous, and he saw that so he let me hold the cane that he was going to use so I could examine it. I had been hit with the cane before during a play session, but I was blind folded and I didn't know it was coming or that it was being used until after. So in my mind it was used softly since it didn't hurt, but now that I knew that I was being hit with a long, hard, wooden stick it seemed to be even scarier.

I gave the cane back to Michael and he did the dreadful thing that all caners do, he swung it really fast and hard so it made that whoosh sound. Chills went down my back every time I heard a "whoosh" of the cane. He only did it a few times, but that was enough to shut me up. He asked if I was able to do what he asked and I said I would try and that I think I can do it. I was told to get dressed and ready now so we can start soon. I did and then we played the ever so fun and nerve-wrecking waiting game where they set up the scene. I think being on camera is great, I really enjoy knowing that people can see my progress with the discipline, but setting up the cameras is difficult. I know that Michael and Dana giggle a little every time knowing that watching and waiting is making me that much more shaky.

They do a great job though, so I really can't complain, but tell that to my floaty stomach and tingly limbs! Once the scene is finally set, Michael helps me onto the bench and I get into position. My knees and hands are on some nice padded, but thin rests while my body is hovering above the center padding since this looked nicer, so much for me sinking into the center rest with my chest and head. I think that my sitting up on hands and knees made me pay more attention, though. Michael started to rub the cane against my bottom, right on the sit spot. I got so nervous and he talked about that and reminded me not to lean back since I could fall off the bench. Great, like that is going to help my nerves. I have to receive I don't know how many scary cane strokes, hold position and not lean back or I could fall. Now I was really trying to sturdy myself my holding on to the front with my hands tightly.

We started to roll camera and Michael talked about my list. How a lot of the things on my list are having to do with not talking back and listening more. I giggled a little and replied that he was right. He said that we were going to work on me being submissive today since I seem to have some difficulties with doing what I am told. I was not to say anything else, but the previous phrase mentioned as many times as I could. I knew that if I stopped saying it too early, or even at all, that I would disappoint Michael and I don't like people being disappointed in me. So I braced myself and we began after I agreed to the terms. Michael hit the sit spot, but it looked like he tried to do it lightly. It still hurt and I moved a little. Still trying to keep my balance, I said "please sir may I have another one" and replied with yes you may. He sounded pretty eager and I started giggling a little while still wincing when he hit. I'm sure it didn't take long until one of my pretty little black and white heels shot up in the air.

See the full scene "Please Sir, May I Have Another at

Big Stick Spanking

For the first couple of strokes he was nice enough to just have my dress lifted up and my underwear tucked up in between my cheeks. Yet, that didn't last for long before he pulled my underwear all the down, leaving me open and exposed during the caning. I kept saying the phrase as fast as I could after each stroke, he stopped me once and said that I had to wait for the next stroke. I looked back to see when he was going to hit again and he hit so hard that my head spun back around. He seemed to be slowing down, but hitting harder! I was struggling to say it quickly since I was too busy saying ouch or wiggling to brace myself for another. That didn't last long before he mentioned that I needed to speak faster and I did. The more it hurt, the faster I said it. Now he was hitting me hard and fast for what felt like forever. He would hit up and down and then really low on my thighs. I was kicking and trying not to fall at the same time. He stopped me once to tell me to lean forward so I wouldn't fall. I know he warned me before, but its so hard to concentrate on not falling when you are getting whacked with a stick very fast.

He went right back to hitting me hard and fast and after each time he would say yes, yes you may. Until he finally said, no you may not. I was shocked, I didn't think it would ever end or that he was going to make it even harder on me in some way. When he stopped, I started breathing heavily, I don't know if I was holding my breath or just saying the please sir may I have another so fast that I couldn't catch my breath. Michael walked behind me to admire his work and poke my bruises. I asked him if it looked bad and he said that it looked as bad as it feels. I sat on the bench for a minute longer, collecting myself before attempting to get off it without falling. Michael helped me off and then hugged me saying that I did a great job and then he asked if I was ever going to stop saying the phrase. I told him that I honestly don't know if I would have stopped. I really like to do what I am told to the best of my abilities and hate to disappoint anyone that I am close with. He laughed and set up some ice packs so I could sit down. It was such a different experience and it really helped me get in touch with my submissive side. I get so busy with life that I sometimes don't get to just get out of my head and let go. Doing what I am told is so relieving for me and finally being able to let go during a spanking was great! I didn't even think twice on shouting if I wanted to, the only thing I had to do was say what I was told to. Well that and try not to fall, which I did not!

I was very proud of myself when I left that session. I felt at peace and like I was myself. This was just what I needed before getting back into the craziness of reality. Where I have to deal with all kinds of people and random problems arising with no expectations. Which, trust me, the bad things happen when you least expect them to. Now, I feel as though I am able to collect myself, slow things down, and just do what is in my own capabilities. I don't need to impress everyone, but I need to be myself and listen to those around me. Its hard to explain how being able to submit or take orders is relaxing, but for me it is. Its something that I am comfortable doing with the right person and it keeps my thoughts at ease. I can finally be delightful Dani for a bit longer  :)


Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Friends for a Reason, Season, or a Lifetime

I pride myself on being a caring person and being able to get along with a vast variety of people. Yet, sometimes its better off to have fewer friends because some people are not good for you or good to you. They might be using you for any number of reasons and if you aren't getting something out of it in return then what is the point of wasting your energy on a one sided relationship. It takes me time to be able to see how much I am giving a person and then compare it to how much I am getting in return. More times than not, I am doing way more for them than they are for me. I would never want to leave someone hanging if it isn't a big deal for me to help them, but I have to think if they would do the same. That is what a one sided relationship is and most of the time you realize it when times get tough. If you need help and no one comes to your side, then those people aren't really your friends. As much as I am friendly, I don't in fact have many friends at all.

I have one true friend that has been with me through thin and thick. She would do anything for me and I would do anything for her, but we also know when its too much. If it were something completely serious then I would drop everything in a heart beat to help her, but I do have a life. If its not life or death then its okay to wait to talk and we both get that. We have lives and jobs and other people, but we know that no matter what the other one cares for us. Its important to have a friend like that in your life, someone who isn't family or your significant other. You need someone who you can vent to about family, boyfriends and work. Someone who knows exactly what you are talking about, yet are not directly involved in any of it. A friendship is better than therapy, they can offer you advice and won't be offended if you don't take it. I am so lucky to have her in my life and that she doesn't judge me or anything I say or do. She understands me and I understand her. She is what I would consider my platonic soul-mate.

I have a fiance that I love dearly, but my best friend is on that same level with him. In a completely different way, I would be heartbroken without them. I hope that they both know this and I need to realize that they are all I need right now. I may not be close with my family or even have as many friends as a I thought, but as long as I got them then things will be okay. I am not good with loss and right now, going through the many changes in my life, I have realized that certain people aren't meant to be apart of my journey. At first, it was a great loss to realize that I am better off without these "friends" yet they weren't friends at all. Friends are there for you when you need them and respect your boundaries. They would never make you choose between them and another person. They would never want to see you unhappy and they sure as hell would never bring you down. I need to reassure myself that I am not loosing a friend if they don't fit this description, but that I am ridding myself of anyone or anything that threatens the happiness of my life.


Thursday, August 6, 2015

Letting Go

Life can be very chaotic at times and you don't always get the luxury of just letting your emotions go crazy. Sometimes, in a tough situation you just want to scream or tell everyone to shove it, but you need to handle things professionally and brush it off or deal with your emotions later. I have a habit of bottling things up all the time, which is not healthy at all. Very rarely do I just let myself go and emote my feelings right away. Michael knew this about me and decided that for today's session we were going to get some of those feeling out of me. When I came to his house we sat down and talked, as usual, and we just caught up on everything. He knew that I was having some trouble dealing with how people are treating me and that I would just bottle up these emotions. I don't mean to bottle things up, but I don't like to be rude and I was taught that if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all!

Its not just my anger that I keep pent up inside of me, but also my enjoyment of simple things. I would never describe myself as a "whoohoo!" kind of girl and its not because I don't enjoy life, but because I don't like to show it. I care too much about what others think of me and I told Michael that at the Aerosmith concert I just stood there. He asked if I enjoyed the concert and if I wanted to dance. I really did have a great time, but I did in fact want to dance to the music, yet I didn't. He thought this was the perfect example of controlling my emotions. I shouldn't have to always contain myself and keep things calm because then I am not really enjoying or enduring life to the fullest. I should dance at a concert if I feel like or even yell at a situation that is frustrating me. I don't need to let loose all of the time, but I absolutely shouldn't bottle things up either.

So, for today's session Michael was going to hit me, really hard, until I let out whatever feeling I needed to. He didn't tell me how to react because he didn't know in what way I needed to let loose. He just knew that I was controlling myself too much and in a session with him is when I need to just let go. I should react how I need to react to let go of these emotions and relieve some stress. Its hard to keep everything bottled up so nice and neat inside of you all the time. Today, I didn't have to keep anything to myself. He wanted me to laugh or scream if I needed to because I had to work through some emotions. I was nervous, as usual for a scene with Michael, but especially for this since I had no idea how I was going to react to this spanking. I was ready to let go. It was about time that I showed some strong emotions and I trusted Michael enough to let go with him. As my disciplinarian, there has to be trust with him and we had built enough for me to finally be my complete self around him.

To make it easier on me to just let go, we did a simple otk position. I was in a short red, strapless dress with some black panties and my black pumps. Michael was kind enough to let me take my shoes off before starting the spanking. He held my hand while I took them off and then I laid across his lap on the cushioned bench. We both took a minute to collect ourselves before starting the scene today since we were trying to get a sort of emotional breakthrough. Once we were settled and I had let my mind have a break from thinking, we started the scene. I was on my elbows and toes while he gave me a small hand spanking. When I say small, I mean that he swatted my butt a few times harshly and then moved on to another implement.

To get me to really feel my emotions he made sure that I really felt my spanking. So since I haven't had much experience with wood implements in my previous scenes, he decided to use three different ones on me today. Michael started to explain what we were doing today with letting my emotions go and noticed I was laughing. So he asked if I wanted to laugh, maybe I was a giggler after all, and he then picked up the small thick paddle. He told me that he wanted to hear me giggle some more and then he started hitting me pretty hard with that small, stingy paddle. I went from giggling quite a bit to saying ouch real fast! It hurt more than I was expecting and I could feel myself kicking my legs up after almost every smack. My mind and body were a little confused because I wanted to laugh still, but I also wanted to scream. I told this to Michael and he said that he loved when spankees screamed. He then wanted to try to make me scream so he switched from the small paddle to a long thin one.

Right away he lifted up the bottom of my cheeks and started hitting the sit spot! I could hear myself getting louder and not trying to hold it in anymore. I didn't care because it just really hurt! I felt my body start to really move, my legs were kicking and my hands were grasping to hold something. I was honestly trying not to say anything mean because I felt angry at him. I don't know if I was actually angry with him, but I felt angry and really wanted to say some means words, yet I was trying so hard not to swear. Micheal picked up my legs, pushed me up and then lifted my one leg over his so I was spread open. He started hitting my thighs and ass really hard with his hand and I started grabbing on to the bench. It felt like he was putting his full force into each swing and again I wanted to yell at him. I just kept shouting ouch and so Michael said he knew what could make me be more vocal. He picked up the last paddle, which was big and thick. He started whacking away and said that if I needed to say something I should just let it out. So I started yelling ouch and just making noises until finally I think I started to say fuck a few times. He stopped for a minute, maybe to collect himself or to let me have a break.

He then said that he wanted to do ten more because he didn't think I could take much more of this. Michael said that the last 5 were going to be the hardest I had ever had and to really just say what I needed to say. He didn't wait long before starting and I didn't know what I was saying, but I started to yell and most definitely said fuck at least once that time. After the first five I could feel him really put his all into the last 5 swings. I was grabbing the bench and yelling and then when he finished I felt myself tearing up. I don't know what happened, but I felt something rush over me that immediately calmed me. I just let everything that I was feeling go, I had released so many emotions during that spanking that I felt lighter after. When he was done spanking me, we just stayed in position while he held me. I really needed that, I felt so close to him at that moment and I think we really bonded. He made me feel such a relief and I was thankful for him doing that. I still don't know what I was going to cry about, but just tearing up was the final step for me to just let go. We sat there for a few minutes before he finally helped me up and then hugged me again. I felt so much better even though the spanking hurt like Hell. My butt was sore, but the rest of my body was calmly numb. This was just what I needed and now I know that the next time I get spanked, I can just let myself react in whatever way I need to.

I was so happy that I was finally able to not hold back my emotions and it definitely strengthened my bond with Michael as my disciplinarian. I feel as though our progress together will be so much more now that I will emote doing my scenes with him. Michael is great at corporal punishment and I am so thankful that I found him and Dana Kane. They really are the best therapy and I am happy to call them my friends. I hope to feel as much relief the next time I get spanked and I'm happy to say that my ass is taking a spanking much better now!

Dani <3

See the whole scene at Big Stick Spanking!