Letting Go

Life can be very chaotic at times and you don't always get the luxury of just letting your emotions go crazy. Sometimes, in a tough situation you just want to scream or tell everyone to shove it, but you need to handle things professionally and brush it off or deal with your emotions later. I have a habit of bottling things up all the time, which is not healthy at all. Very rarely do I just let myself go and emote my feelings right away. Michael knew this about me and decided that for today's session we were going to get some of those feeling out of me. When I came to his house we sat down and talked, as usual, and we just caught up on everything. He knew that I was having some trouble dealing with how people are treating me and that I would just bottle up these emotions. I don't mean to bottle things up, but I don't like to be rude and I was taught that if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all!

Its not just my anger that I keep pent up inside of me, but also my enjoyment of simple things. I would never describe myself as a "whoohoo!" kind of girl and its not because I don't enjoy life, but because I don't like to show it. I care too much about what others think of me and I told Michael that at the Aerosmith concert I just stood there. He asked if I enjoyed the concert and if I wanted to dance. I really did have a great time, but I did in fact want to dance to the music, yet I didn't. He thought this was the perfect example of controlling my emotions. I shouldn't have to always contain myself and keep things calm because then I am not really enjoying or enduring life to the fullest. I should dance at a concert if I feel like or even yell at a situation that is frustrating me. I don't need to let loose all of the time, but I absolutely shouldn't bottle things up either.

So, for today's session Michael was going to hit me, really hard, until I let out whatever feeling I needed to. He didn't tell me how to react because he didn't know in what way I needed to let loose. He just knew that I was controlling myself too much and in a session with him is when I need to just let go. I should react how I need to react to let go of these emotions and relieve some stress. Its hard to keep everything bottled up so nice and neat inside of you all the time. Today, I didn't have to keep anything to myself. He wanted me to laugh or scream if I needed to because I had to work through some emotions. I was nervous, as usual for a scene with Michael, but especially for this since I had no idea how I was going to react to this spanking. I was ready to let go. It was about time that I showed some strong emotions and I trusted Michael enough to let go with him. As my disciplinarian, there has to be trust with him and we had built enough for me to finally be my complete self around him.

To make it easier on me to just let go, we did a simple otk position. I was in a short red, strapless dress with some black panties and my black pumps. Michael was kind enough to let me take my shoes off before starting the spanking. He held my hand while I took them off and then I laid across his lap on the cushioned bench. We both took a minute to collect ourselves before starting the scene today since we were trying to get a sort of emotional breakthrough. Once we were settled and I had let my mind have a break from thinking, we started the scene. I was on my elbows and toes while he gave me a small hand spanking. When I say small, I mean that he swatted my butt a few times harshly and then moved on to another implement.

To get me to really feel my emotions he made sure that I really felt my spanking. So since I haven't had much experience with wood implements in my previous scenes, he decided to use three different ones on me today. Michael started to explain what we were doing today with letting my emotions go and noticed I was laughing. So he asked if I wanted to laugh, maybe I was a giggler after all, and he then picked up the small thick paddle. He told me that he wanted to hear me giggle some more and then he started hitting me pretty hard with that small, stingy paddle. I went from giggling quite a bit to saying ouch real fast! It hurt more than I was expecting and I could feel myself kicking my legs up after almost every smack. My mind and body were a little confused because I wanted to laugh still, but I also wanted to scream. I told this to Michael and he said that he loved when spankees screamed. He then wanted to try to make me scream so he switched from the small paddle to a long thin one.

Right away he lifted up the bottom of my cheeks and started hitting the sit spot! I could hear myself getting louder and not trying to hold it in anymore. I didn't care because it just really hurt! I felt my body start to really move, my legs were kicking and my hands were grasping to hold something. I was honestly trying not to say anything mean because I felt angry at him. I don't know if I was actually angry with him, but I felt angry and really wanted to say some means words, yet I was trying so hard not to swear. Micheal picked up my legs, pushed me up and then lifted my one leg over his so I was spread open. He started hitting my thighs and ass really hard with his hand and I started grabbing on to the bench. It felt like he was putting his full force into each swing and again I wanted to yell at him. I just kept shouting ouch and so Michael said he knew what could make me be more vocal. He picked up the last paddle, which was big and thick. He started whacking away and said that if I needed to say something I should just let it out. So I started yelling ouch and just making noises until finally I think I started to say fuck a few times. He stopped for a minute, maybe to collect himself or to let me have a break.

He then said that he wanted to do ten more because he didn't think I could take much more of this. Michael said that the last 5 were going to be the hardest I had ever had and to really just say what I needed to say. He didn't wait long before starting and I didn't know what I was saying, but I started to yell and most definitely said fuck at least once that time. After the first five I could feel him really put his all into the last 5 swings. I was grabbing the bench and yelling and then when he finished I felt myself tearing up. I don't know what happened, but I felt something rush over me that immediately calmed me. I just let everything that I was feeling go, I had released so many emotions during that spanking that I felt lighter after. When he was done spanking me, we just stayed in position while he held me. I really needed that, I felt so close to him at that moment and I think we really bonded. He made me feel such a relief and I was thankful for him doing that. I still don't know what I was going to cry about, but just tearing up was the final step for me to just let go. We sat there for a few minutes before he finally helped me up and then hugged me again. I felt so much better even though the spanking hurt like Hell. My butt was sore, but the rest of my body was calmly numb. This was just what I needed and now I know that the next time I get spanked, I can just let myself react in whatever way I need to.

I was so happy that I was finally able to not hold back my emotions and it definitely strengthened my bond with Michael as my disciplinarian. I feel as though our progress together will be so much more now that I will emote doing my scenes with him. Michael is great at corporal punishment and I am so thankful that I found him and Dana Kane. They really are the best therapy and I am happy to call them my friends. I hope to feel as much relief the next time I get spanked and I'm happy to say that my ass is taking a spanking much better now!


Dani <3

See the whole scene at Big Stick Spanking!