I pride myself on being a caring person and being able to get along with a vast variety of people. Yet, sometimes its better off to have fewer friends because some people are not good for you or good to you. They might be using you for any number of reasons and if you aren't getting something out of it in return then what is the point of wasting your energy on a one sided relationship. It takes me time to be able to see how much I am giving a person and then compare it to how much I am getting in return. More times than not, I am doing way more for them than they are for me. I would never want to leave someone hanging if it isn't a big deal for me to help them, but I have to think if they would do the same. That is what a one sided relationship is and most of the time you realize it when times get tough. If you need help and no one comes to your side, then those people aren't really your friends. As much as I am friendly, I don't in fact have many friends at all.
I have one true friend that has been with me through thin and thick. She would do anything for me and I would do anything for her, but we also know when its too much. If it were something completely serious then I would drop everything in a heart beat to help her, but I do have a life. If its not life or death then its okay to wait to talk and we both get that. We have lives and jobs and other people, but we know that no matter what the other one cares for us. Its important to have a friend like that in your life, someone who isn't family or your significant other. You need someone who you can vent to about family, boyfriends and work. Someone who knows exactly what you are talking about, yet are not directly involved in any of it. A friendship is better than therapy, they can offer you advice and won't be offended if you don't take it. I am so lucky to have her in my life and that she doesn't judge me or anything I say or do. She understands me and I understand her. She is what I would consider my platonic soul-mate.
I have a fiance that I love dearly, but my best friend is on that same level with him. In a completely different way, I would be heartbroken without them. I hope that they both know this and I need to realize that they are all I need right now. I may not be close with my family or even have as many friends as a I thought, but as long as I got them then things will be okay. I am not good with loss and right now, going through the many changes in my life, I have realized that certain people aren't meant to be apart of my journey. At first, it was a great loss to realize that I am better off without these "friends" yet they weren't friends at all. Friends are there for you when you need them and respect your boundaries. They would never make you choose between them and another person. They would never want to see you unhappy and they sure as hell would never bring you down. I need to reassure myself that I am not loosing a friend if they don't fit this description, but that I am ridding myself of anyone or anything that threatens the happiness of my life.
Dani
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