Paddle Stings for Dirty Things

It had been over a month now since I had a spanking and I was so eager to be getting one today! I never really know what we are doing until I get there, but as far as I understood, we were going to be talking about my diet. I got up early to pack my bag of clothes before heading over to Michael and Dana's place. I made sure to leave early enough to get through traffic and to jam to music so I could calm my dramatically nervous stomach. Since there was a long time in between my last spanking and now, I thought it was going to hurt a lot more. I was right about that part, but was shocked to find out what today's shoot was all about.

Over the time that I wasn't shooting, I was emailing with both Michael and Dana about possibly branching out. I loved doing spanking videos, but am a little dirty minded and thought about doing other types of videos as well. I had gotten a list together of all of the things I might want to do and then sent them a few practice videos. Dana sent me back a few pointers on what to look at and things to avoid doing. It was a lot of fun making these videos, but I honestly thought that it wasn't going to be our main topic for the shoot. I got there and almost immediately was questioned about my videos I sent. 

We talked about it a little and then Michael started to switch up the conversation to spanking while Dana was going through my outfits. She decided on a shimmery sequin green tank with a ruffled uneven black mini skirt. That is when Michael said that the shoot today was going to be about introducing me to porn. I was a little confused at first, but then they both explained that this is new to me and its new for my viewers as well. So to help show everyone what I am going to do and also, to get myself used to being vulnerable on camera, they were going to spank me for being a dirty girl that wants to do porn.

Well, it was not at all far from the truth, but it was still strange to hear out loud that I was in fact going to be doing porn. Now a little history on me will show you that it was almost expected that my life would end up with me doing dirty things on camera for money. Which is not a bad thing at all! I love my body and I believe I'm good at using it in the right way to please others. Back to the shoot, it is totally different to know that you want to do porn and then to say it out loud, on camera, while naked and getting hit. 

Dana was moving around with the camera the entire time and talking to me about all of the videos I sent. I was standing in my high black heels, by myself in front of their fireplace. Michael was going in and out of the video for the entire first half, just coming in to spank me randomly and comment on how dirty I'm being. He would walk by and comment on things like not sending him any of my videos, which was totally a lie! I think he was just so happy to spank me for everything possible since it had been so long. We discussed a few of the videos I sent, some of them being foot fetish videos and Michael came around and held up my size 11 foot to the camera. We mentioned my booty shaking videos, which also gave Michael a reason so spank my butt and watch it jiggle. Of course, it doesn't take much to make my big butt move, but Dana had me show a little booty shaking for the camera. 

She slowly came closer and got lower to get an up-skirt style view of my butt and she was moving the camera everywhere. It was a little strange to have a camera so close to my butt and then to have Michael come in randomly to spank me. He upgraded quickly from his hand to this really mean paddle with small holes in it. Holy heck did that paddle hit hard! I was not prepared for that at all and then he really got into spanking me so much so that Dana had to stop him for a moment. I was fine by that since my bottom was already red hot from that paddle.

Dana then brought up the fact that I was too covered to be a porn star, so I had to start taking my clothes off, slowly. Not before she had me say to the camera that I wanted to make dirty porn videos. I was laughing so hard, I could barely get the words out of my mouth without erupting in uncontrollable laughter. Michael was spanking me so hard and I could not stop laughing at the fact that me, shy girl on camera, was going to be doing very naughty things for the world to see. Michael took a step away for a moment so I could start taking my skirt off very slowly, which I knew would be too much for Michael. He didn't even let the skirt get past my knees before he started hitting me again. Let me just say, that it is very hard to be sexy while getting hit with a paddle.

I was then able to finally get out of that skirt and slowly took off my tank top to reveal my black bra. Dana took a moment to slowly go up and down my body as I turned so to get a close view at every part of me. Then finally following me down as I took off my teeny, tiny green panties. Michael stopped me there and turned me around to help me out of them since I was still wearing my very high heels. All the while, he was playing and bouncing my big butt with his hands and of course spanking it every so often. I turned back around and took off my bra, asking if I could take the heels off with it. Dana laughed, shaking her head no while Michael joked that I have to sleep with the heels on. Walking around in shoes like that takes some getting used to. I took the bra all the way off and Michael took it saying that he was going to keep it. Dana got real close again and slowly shot every part of my body from my feet to my face. She kept saying how I need to get used to being naked on camera and this would definitely take some getting used to. 

I love being naked, but when a camera is involved it feels so different. I still didn't mind much and was not too embarrassed with her going very close to my bare chest and privates. Dana had me turn around and show the camera my ass close up and then mentioned to Michael that I had been not only sending feet and butt videos, but I also sent videos of me masturbating! Michael sounded so appalled that I would send a video with me touching myself for all the world to see. He had me bend over and he hit me really hard, talking about how dirty and slutty I was being. Dana didn't stop there and asked me if I did anything to get myself in trouble lately. Besides the dirty videos, I had gotten into the bad habit of eating junk food.

Now, I know Dana very well and I know that she likes healthy organic food. So when she asked what I considered junk food, I gave her my definition which is anything thats packaged in a bag. This definition was very far off from hers which included anything with a drive-thru and pretty much everything that could be considered convenient. I was turned around real quick and told to put my hands on the wall while Michael paddled me. Not only was my body my temple, but now it was going to be my checking account. Essentially, my body was going to be my money maker (que song pop up in my head) in a very literal sense. So I needed to start taking care of it or Michael would. I got the point very quickly!

Dana mentioned that porn stars get themselves into some very weird positions and asked if I knew what the main position was. I had no clue, but then she mentioned face down and ass up. I couldn't help, but laugh because a ton of songs popped into my head when she said that. I knew exactly what she was talking about and then she had me go and demonstrate what this would look like. I walked over to the bench and got on my knees. sliding my face and arms down so my body was on an angle. Dana said that this looked very nice and that I knew exactly what I was doing there. I knew that this position was good for porn and for spanking. It took Michael a moment to remind me what he was using this position for. 

He started spanking me with his hand very hard near my privates and Dana had the camera right in my face. She asked if that was hurting a lot and told me to keep my eyes on the camera. It was very painful being hit very hard near my spot. Michael and Dana both laughed when I said my spot, my special spot. Obviously, I need to get used to saying dirtier words and talking about my privates a little more openly now. Dana said that a lot of people ask porn stars if they are ready for their close up and then she moved from my face to my back side. Since I want to do porn, when they say close up they aren't talking about my face. Michael was starting to spank me again with the mean paddle and she moved back to my face so I could show the camera a few of my porn faces.

Dana said that I probably deserved ten more whacks and after each face I made, I would get one. So I did my sexy face and got a whack. Then I was supposed to do my bubbly surprised face and I could barely get through that without laughing, but I got another whack. Then she wanted me to do my after sex, relaxed face. I started to do it and then Michael grabbed my hair a little. I didn't have to fake that face I guess, because she had him do it again. I really like having my hair pulled, so since that face was so nice I got three whacks for that one. Michael stopped spanking me and Dana said that with my body language, I was to entice Michael into wanting to give me those last 5 whacks. 

I was having fun so I did it, even though I was not wanting those last hard whacks with that paddle. I wiggled my butt around and slowly grinded on the bench a little. Michael said it was working and gave me a few more hits with the paddle. Dana had me look at the camera while enticing Michael into spanking me a few more times. My spanking didn't end there since Dana asked if I was going to do anything else that would get me into trouble. I said no, but then Michael said that he was going to spank me for every dirty video I put up for the world to see. Dana chimed in that I had already sent her 24 videos, to which Michael sounded shocked that I had sent so many already. Luckily, he put down the paddle, but he still hit me very hard with his hand 24 times. I said to the camera right after that I am Dani Sorrento, spanking model and soon to be porn star! 

It was such a fun and different spanking shoot. It was a great way to come back to spanking and I was thoroughly enjoying my very toasty bottom being so warm from Michael's hand and the very hard paddle. This was definitely a great reminder to show that I will always want to do spanking videos, even if I do porn. I will make time for spanking shoots and I'm sure Michael will always let me know when I need to a spanking. I'm so happy that they are helping me out with not only my spanking shoots, but also editing all of my other types of videos. I can't wait to get started and show everyone what I can do!

Hugs and Lots of Kisses- Dani

See the full video "Paddle Stings for Dirty Things" at

Big Stick Spanking

The Preview Video!!

Protect Yourself

I knew that today was going to be different since I was getting spanked by Dana instead of Michael. I just didn't know how different it would be and how much of an impact it would have on me. Michael had been emailing me for the last few weeks, saying that he know I had a high pain tolerance and that Dana would be testing out how much I could handle. So I was absolutely expecting it to be more severe and I knew that Dana could hit pretty hard. I got to their place and sat down for our usual talk and I was mentioning a lot about my frustrations with work, mainly my boss and also my employees. So much is expected from me and I don't get the appreciation I deserve for doing it. I have this conversation a lot with them and its not that I don't appreciate having a job in general and there are certain aspects that I enjoy, but I do a lot. I do my job, my boss's job, I clean up after my employees mistakes and I don't stand up for myself. Michael and Dana are constantly telling me that its not okay to be treated this way or to let it get to me in the way that it does. 

After our fairly long talk, they told me to come upstairs and help set up the scene, this time before getting ready with hair and make-up. I walked in to see a bed full of various implements, all of them looking pretty vicious! There had to have been at least a dozen of them, none of them being dainty or small in any way. I got more nervous than usual, but we were just setting up so I still had time to freak out. We went over the scene and positions so we could set up the cameras, all the while Dana was getting in my head about how this way was better for her swing or this way she could hold on tight to me. I knew that she was psyching me out a bit, but it didn't stop it from working.  When the cameras were all set, they let me take a minute to fill out some paperwork. I came back to find Dana sitting in the first position on the bench, waiting for me. She called me over to sit down and then they started filming. 

I was completely thrown off guard. I hadn't gotten changed or done my make-up or anything! Dana began talking about how we weren't going to do that this time, that we were just going to start the spanking. In this scene we were going to be using a multitude of implements on me and then she asked me which one I thought would hurt the most. I pointed to the one next to the cane, which was the curse of Dana Wallop. So she picked it up and made me put out my hand so I could feel the hefty sting. I remembered seeing a video where she tested it and it looked like it hadn't taken much effort or time for her spankee to be crying out in pain. Dana then mentioned that the best part about this one was that it really didn't require much swing for her, she could keep wiggling back and forth effortlessly and it would still hurt tremendously. I definitely believed her, but she put it back down for now and went on to discuss that this video had two names picked out already. Depending on how it went, it would either be called Breaking Dani or Unbreakable Dani. She asked if I thought I could make it through all of those implements, especially since she really didn't want to title it Unbreakable Dani. I nervously said that it looked like a lot of mean implements, but we will have to see if my butt could handle it.

Dana said that we would find out soon and then told me to stand up and grab the first implement while I was up. It was a thick wooden brush and this would be my first time being hit with an actual brush. I grabbed it and then laid across her lap. She asked me if I should even get a warm up since tough girls like me shouldn't. Though, she was kind enough to warm me up while explaining all the areas I could be spanked. She was hitting both cheeks, of course, on the top of my butt, my sit spot, on the sides and lastly the dreadful thighs. The warm up stopped there and she grabbed the brush. It took her only a few swats to pick up some speed and it stung like no other! The actual brush was pretty painful and showed no mercy. Dana started talking about how she made a lot of people wish she had a safe word, which of course I didn't have either. She asked me what I would do if I hit my limit, to which I replied that I would simply get up. Well, of course, its not so simple to get up when Dana has leverage and she showed me. I was to try to get up, while she continuously whacked me hard with the brush, and alas I couldn't. Then she moved my one leg over hers so she could prove an even more strategic way to keep me from moving and then swatted away at the center of my cheeks. I was moaning in pain and wishing that maybe I could wiggle away, but I knew I couldn't and that I had something to prove.

She had me get back into position for a few more whacks and then had me get up again to grab a couple of implements this time. There was a thick, wooden spoon and a thin strap and also a rubber paddle. She started off with the spoon, mentioning how I had experienced a spoon before, but nothing like this one. It was really thick and packed a big bang! I was kicking and moving as much as I could while Dana kept picking me up and slapping my feet away. It hurt so bad, but I knew I could handle more and before I knew it she had switched to the strap. It was so small and sharp, hitting every crevice on my bottom. My poor thighs got the most of it, I was starting to miss the heavy spoon when the strap hit between my cheeks. She moved on suddenly to the rubber paddle. Stopping only to ask if I had experience the rubber before. I had once in my first discipline video, but not like this one. It looked thin, but hit hard! She kept hitting and hitting, I was shouting, but not stopping her. I knew I could handle it, I wish I didn't, but I wasn't stopping her. In fact, she had me get up again and grab the next two. 

I saw the big round paddle coming next and was not looking forward to it. She talked for only a moment before showing no mercy with the dreaded paddle. I wasn't even caring what else was going on at this point, I was in pain and with the paddle it was radiating through my body. It seemed to land straight on my cheeks every time. She kept spanking me really fast for what seemed like a long time and then told me to get up. Knowing that there was only so much force you can put into an otk spanking, we were moving to me on my knees and elbows. She already had another paddle in hand and was talking about how tired she was, which I was as well, but in a completely different manner. She started to hit all over with the rubber paddle, talking about how she was tenderizing my bottom for the other stuff. Then of course, moving on to hitting me hard with that one before grabbing the next one. 

She told me that I learned a lesson not too long ago about the difference between being a submissive and being a pushover.  Dana then kept asking me what that lesson had to do with today's session, while still hitting me. I told her that I couldn't think right now and so she went on to tell me that maybe it had to do with learning when to stand up and protect myself. She tossed that paddle aside and was hitting me with what felt like a whip and kept yelling at me to protect myself. She quickly moved on to another paddle, going right into hitting me hard on my sit spot. I felt myself wanting to get up, but something kept stopping me. It wasn't until the next implement, the curse of Dana, that really made me start to shout! She kept saying that she wasn't going to take it easy on me, but when was I going to protect myself. She stopped for a moment to tell me that just because I can take a skin breaking beating, doesn't mean that I should. I need to decide for myself when its too much and enough is enough. 

I was fighting some real inner demons during the last few minutes. I was in a lot of pain from the wallop, to which she was not cutting me any slack with. I was moving around so much and doing everything besides standing up, to get away from the pain. I wish I had the knowledge that I do now to stand up and stop the beating before it became too much. I kept taking it and taking it and even after she whacked me senseless with the curse of Dana, I didn't stop her. She gave me the opportunity to say that I've had enough, she paused and asked me again before grabbing the cane. I didn't say anything, I wanted to, but my mouth wouldn't move. So Dana had me get back into position. She started immediately hitting me hard with the cane and talked about how I had taken over 115 strokes of the cane with Michael. It was nothing like this, though, this cane was thick and she was giving it all of her might. I was almost getting up, I was screaming and I kept putting one foot down, but I just didn't get up. She again, gave me a chance to stop her, giving me to the count of 5 to stand up. I kept putting a foot down and then back up. It hurt more than any spanking I have ever had before, but something inside of me didn't want to quit. Like I thought that I would disappoint her by stopping too soon, but really I was just disappointing myself and Dana by letting it go on. She hit me really hard after she saw that I wasn't getting up and then she just stopped.

Dana walked over and knelt by my face, making me look at her. She asked why I had let her do this to me, that this was too much! I didn't know, all I could say was that I knew I could handle it so thats why I kept going. At this point, I had begun crying a little for what was a multitude of reasons. She was talking about how I had gone through so much in my life and that my heart had been beat up just as much. I let people walk all over me and a lot of the bad things in my life could have been stopped if I had just stood up for myself. She had me get up and look at her while she told me that she never wants me to let anyone else do this to me, to my butt or my heart. Dana hugged me for a long time and I kept crying. I couldn't stop thinking about everything that I let happen to me in my life. All of the times I let someone take me past my limit, emotionally and physically. I got myself into bad situations just because I didn't want to let someone down or because I thought I could handle it. It doesn't make it okay. I am a tough girl and I have been through a lot. I shouldn't have experienced all of these things, no one should have to go through what I have gone through. Not just with Dana, she only did this cruel spanking to get it in my head that this was not okay. I need to protect myself and hopefully now I can look back on this spanking and learn from it. I definitely don't want to be beat up like that again and I don't want to be emotionally torn down, either. I have to stop letting others treat me like crap and stand up for myself. I can't change the past, but I can make a better future for myself and the people I love.

I have to thank Dana, and Michael, for teaching me this lesson in the harsh way that I know wasn't fun for them either. I cannot share my appreciation enough for what they have done for me. This was by far the most emotional lesson that I needed to learn. Its going to take time, but I think I can slowly start to change that pushover side of me. 

Dani

Watch the whole spanking!

"Unbreakable Dani" at :

DanaKaneSpanks.com

Submit and Have Another

I was so excited to see Michael and Dana after an amazing vacation. I had so much to talk about and was happy that I was able to get a discipline session in before heading back to work the next day. As usual, I had no idea what the session would be about today and I didn't bother asking. I trusted Michael enough to know that whatever we discussed would be relevant to my life and what I needed to work through at the time. I felt happy on my way to their place, but halfway there I started to get the nervous butterflies in my tummy. It never ceases to disappoint that in the car ride over, my body realizes its about to be hurt and not knowing how doesn't help. I am always excited, too, knowing that I am getting a spanking, but part of the fun is being surprised about the scenario in which the spanking will take place.


I arrived a few minutes early and caught up with Dana while Michael was still preparing. I was able to see the spanking bench as soon as I walked it. I got more and more nervous as I was sitting there talking. Dana is really great at not bringing up anything that will be happening in the session. So we continued to talk like normal, not mentioning the scary looking bench in the middle of the living room. Michael finally came down and we caught up for a bit before getting to what the session would be about today. He asked me if my views on being submissive have changed since we first got together. I said that I am starting to understand the difference between being submissive and being a pushover. Just because I choose to be submissive, doesn't meant that I have no voice or that I am submissive to everyone. I feel as though wanting respect, but listening to my partner can both be achieved without discrediting the fact that I will submit to my significant other. I was a bit confused on what this had to do with anything, but Michael doesn't forget much so I just figured it was something he remembered about me and wanted to check in with it.


He didn't let me ponder long before bringing up that me being submissive has not shown much in my sessions. I was confused because I thought that being obedient and taking my spanking was me being submissive. It is to an extent, but we were going to go more into it today. He said that he was going to prop me up on the bench and use the cane on me today. I was going to say "please sir may I have another one" after each stroke, as fast as I can until I can't say it anymore or until he feels he is done. I was very nervous, and he saw that so he let me hold the cane that he was going to use so I could examine it. I had been hit with the cane before during a play session, but I was blind folded and I didn't know it was coming or that it was being used until after. So in my mind it was used softly since it didn't hurt, but now that I knew that I was being hit with a long, hard, wooden stick it seemed to be even scarier.


I gave the cane back to Michael and he did the dreadful thing that all caners do, he swung it really fast and hard so it made that whoosh sound. Chills went down my back every time I heard a "whoosh" of the cane. He only did it a few times, but that was enough to shut me up. He asked if I was able to do what he asked and I said I would try and that I think I can do it. I was told to get dressed and ready now so we can start soon. I did and then we played the ever so fun and nerve-wrecking waiting game where they set up the scene. I think being on camera is great, I really enjoy knowing that people can see my progress with the discipline, but setting up the cameras is difficult. I know that Michael and Dana giggle a little every time knowing that watching and waiting is making me that much more shaky.


They do a great job though, so I really can't complain, but tell that to my floaty stomach and tingly limbs! Once the scene is finally set, Michael helps me onto the bench and I get into position. My knees and hands are on some nice padded, but thin rests while my body is hovering above the center padding since this looked nicer, so much for me sinking into the center rest with my chest and head. I think that my sitting up on hands and knees made me pay more attention, though. Michael started to rub the cane against my bottom, right on the sit spot. I got so nervous and he talked about that and reminded me not to lean back since I could fall off the bench. Great, like that is going to help my nerves. I have to receive I don't know how many scary cane strokes, hold position and not lean back or I could fall. Now I was really trying to sturdy myself my holding on to the front with my hands tightly.


We started to roll camera and Michael talked about my list. How a lot of the things on my list are having to do with not talking back and listening more. I giggled a little and replied that he was right. He said that we were going to work on me being submissive today since I seem to have some difficulties with doing what I am told. I was not to say anything else, but the previous phrase mentioned as many times as I could. I knew that if I stopped saying it too early, or even at all, that I would disappoint Michael and I don't like people being disappointed in me. So I braced myself and we began after I agreed to the terms. Michael hit the sit spot, but it looked like he tried to do it lightly. It still hurt and I moved a little. Still trying to keep my balance, I said "please sir may I have another one" and replied with yes you may. He sounded pretty eager and I started giggling a little while still wincing when he hit. I'm sure it didn't take long until one of my pretty little black and white heels shot up in the air.

See the full scene "Please Sir, May I Have Another at

Big Stick Spanking

For the first couple of strokes he was nice enough to just have my dress lifted up and my underwear tucked up in between my cheeks. Yet, that didn't last for long before he pulled my underwear all the down, leaving me open and exposed during the caning. I kept saying the phrase as fast as I could after each stroke, he stopped me once and said that I had to wait for the next stroke. I looked back to see when he was going to hit again and he hit so hard that my head spun back around. He seemed to be slowing down, but hitting harder! I was struggling to say it quickly since I was too busy saying ouch or wiggling to brace myself for another. That didn't last long before he mentioned that I needed to speak faster and I did. The more it hurt, the faster I said it. Now he was hitting me hard and fast for what felt like forever. He would hit up and down and then really low on my thighs. I was kicking and trying not to fall at the same time. He stopped me once to tell me to lean forward so I wouldn't fall. I know he warned me before, but its so hard to concentrate on not falling when you are getting whacked with a stick very fast.

He went right back to hitting me hard and fast and after each time he would say yes, yes you may. Until he finally said, no you may not. I was shocked, I didn't think it would ever end or that he was going to make it even harder on me in some way. When he stopped, I started breathing heavily, I don't know if I was holding my breath or just saying the please sir may I have another so fast that I couldn't catch my breath. Michael walked behind me to admire his work and poke my bruises. I asked him if it looked bad and he said that it looked as bad as it feels. I sat on the bench for a minute longer, collecting myself before attempting to get off it without falling. Michael helped me off and then hugged me saying that I did a great job and then he asked if I was ever going to stop saying the phrase. I told him that I honestly don't know if I would have stopped. I really like to do what I am told to the best of my abilities and hate to disappoint anyone that I am close with. He laughed and set up some ice packs so I could sit down. It was such a different experience and it really helped me get in touch with my submissive side. I get so busy with life that I sometimes don't get to just get out of my head and let go. Doing what I am told is so relieving for me and finally being able to let go during a spanking was great! I didn't even think twice on shouting if I wanted to, the only thing I had to do was say what I was told to. Well that and try not to fall, which I did not!

I was very proud of myself when I left that session. I felt at peace and like I was myself. This was just what I needed before getting back into the craziness of reality. Where I have to deal with all kinds of people and random problems arising with no expectations. Which, trust me, the bad things happen when you least expect them to. Now, I feel as though I am able to collect myself, slow things down, and just do what is in my own capabilities. I don't need to impress everyone, but I need to be myself and listen to those around me. Its hard to explain how being able to submit or take orders is relaxing, but for me it is. Its something that I am comfortable doing with the right person and it keeps my thoughts at ease. I can finally be delightful Dani for a bit longer  :)

Dani

Friends for a Reason, Season, or a Lifetime

I pride myself on being a caring person and being able to get along with a vast variety of people. Yet, sometimes its better off to have fewer friends because some people are not good for you or good to you. They might be using you for any number of reasons and if you aren't getting something out of it in return then what is the point of wasting your energy on a one sided relationship. It takes me time to be able to see how much I am giving a person and then compare it to how much I am getting in return. More times than not, I am doing way more for them than they are for me. I would never want to leave someone hanging if it isn't a big deal for me to help them, but I have to think if they would do the same. That is what a one sided relationship is and most of the time you realize it when times get tough. If you need help and no one comes to your side, then those people aren't really your friends. As much as I am friendly, I don't in fact have many friends at all.

I have one true friend that has been with me through thin and thick. She would do anything for me and I would do anything for her, but we also know when its too much. If it were something completely serious then I would drop everything in a heart beat to help her, but I do have a life. If its not life or death then its okay to wait to talk and we both get that. We have lives and jobs and other people, but we know that no matter what the other one cares for us. Its important to have a friend like that in your life, someone who isn't family or your significant other. You need someone who you can vent to about family, boyfriends and work. Someone who knows exactly what you are talking about, yet are not directly involved in any of it. A friendship is better than therapy, they can offer you advice and won't be offended if you don't take it. I am so lucky to have her in my life and that she doesn't judge me or anything I say or do. She understands me and I understand her. She is what I would consider my platonic soul-mate.

I have a fiance that I love dearly, but my best friend is on that same level with him. In a completely different way, I would be heartbroken without them. I hope that they both know this and I need to realize that they are all I need right now. I may not be close with my family or even have as many friends as a I thought, but as long as I got them then things will be okay. I am not good with loss and right now, going through the many changes in my life, I have realized that certain people aren't meant to be apart of my journey. At first, it was a great loss to realize that I am better off without these "friends" yet they weren't friends at all. Friends are there for you when you need them and respect your boundaries. They would never make you choose between them and another person. They would never want to see you unhappy and they sure as hell would never bring you down. I need to reassure myself that I am not loosing a friend if they don't fit this description, but that I am ridding myself of anyone or anything that threatens the happiness of my life.

Dani

Letting Go

Life can be very chaotic at times and you don't always get the luxury of just letting your emotions go crazy. Sometimes, in a tough situation you just want to scream or tell everyone to shove it, but you need to handle things professionally and brush it off or deal with your emotions later. I have a habit of bottling things up all the time, which is not healthy at all. Very rarely do I just let myself go and emote my feelings right away. Michael knew this about me and decided that for today's session we were going to get some of those feeling out of me. When I came to his house we sat down and talked, as usual, and we just caught up on everything. He knew that I was having some trouble dealing with how people are treating me and that I would just bottle up these emotions. I don't mean to bottle things up, but I don't like to be rude and I was taught that if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all!

Its not just my anger that I keep pent up inside of me, but also my enjoyment of simple things. I would never describe myself as a "whoohoo!" kind of girl and its not because I don't enjoy life, but because I don't like to show it. I care too much about what others think of me and I told Michael that at the Aerosmith concert I just stood there. He asked if I enjoyed the concert and if I wanted to dance. I really did have a great time, but I did in fact want to dance to the music, yet I didn't. He thought this was the perfect example of controlling my emotions. I shouldn't have to always contain myself and keep things calm because then I am not really enjoying or enduring life to the fullest. I should dance at a concert if I feel like or even yell at a situation that is frustrating me. I don't need to let loose all of the time, but I absolutely shouldn't bottle things up either.

So, for today's session Michael was going to hit me, really hard, until I let out whatever feeling I needed to. He didn't tell me how to react because he didn't know in what way I needed to let loose. He just knew that I was controlling myself too much and in a session with him is when I need to just let go. I should react how I need to react to let go of these emotions and relieve some stress. Its hard to keep everything bottled up so nice and neat inside of you all the time. Today, I didn't have to keep anything to myself. He wanted me to laugh or scream if I needed to because I had to work through some emotions. I was nervous, as usual for a scene with Michael, but especially for this since I had no idea how I was going to react to this spanking. I was ready to let go. It was about time that I showed some strong emotions and I trusted Michael enough to let go with him. As my disciplinarian, there has to be trust with him and we had built enough for me to finally be my complete self around him.

To make it easier on me to just let go, we did a simple otk position. I was in a short red, strapless dress with some black panties and my black pumps. Michael was kind enough to let me take my shoes off before starting the spanking. He held my hand while I took them off and then I laid across his lap on the cushioned bench. We both took a minute to collect ourselves before starting the scene today since we were trying to get a sort of emotional breakthrough. Once we were settled and I had let my mind have a break from thinking, we started the scene. I was on my elbows and toes while he gave me a small hand spanking. When I say small, I mean that he swatted my butt a few times harshly and then moved on to another implement.

To get me to really feel my emotions he made sure that I really felt my spanking. So since I haven't had much experience with wood implements in my previous scenes, he decided to use three different ones on me today. Michael started to explain what we were doing today with letting my emotions go and noticed I was laughing. So he asked if I wanted to laugh, maybe I was a giggler after all, and he then picked up the small thick paddle. He told me that he wanted to hear me giggle some more and then he started hitting me pretty hard with that small, stingy paddle. I went from giggling quite a bit to saying ouch real fast! It hurt more than I was expecting and I could feel myself kicking my legs up after almost every smack. My mind and body were a little confused because I wanted to laugh still, but I also wanted to scream. I told this to Michael and he said that he loved when spankees screamed. He then wanted to try to make me scream so he switched from the small paddle to a long thin one.

Right away he lifted up the bottom of my cheeks and started hitting the sit spot! I could hear myself getting louder and not trying to hold it in anymore. I didn't care because it just really hurt! I felt my body start to really move, my legs were kicking and my hands were grasping to hold something. I was honestly trying not to say anything mean because I felt angry at him. I don't know if I was actually angry with him, but I felt angry and really wanted to say some means words, yet I was trying so hard not to swear. Micheal picked up my legs, pushed me up and then lifted my one leg over his so I was spread open. He started hitting my thighs and ass really hard with his hand and I started grabbing on to the bench. It felt like he was putting his full force into each swing and again I wanted to yell at him. I just kept shouting ouch and so Michael said he knew what could make me be more vocal. He picked up the last paddle, which was big and thick. He started whacking away and said that if I needed to say something I should just let it out. So I started yelling ouch and just making noises until finally I think I started to say fuck a few times. He stopped for a minute, maybe to collect himself or to let me have a break.

He then said that he wanted to do ten more because he didn't think I could take much more of this. Michael said that the last 5 were going to be the hardest I had ever had and to really just say what I needed to say. He didn't wait long before starting and I didn't know what I was saying, but I started to yell and most definitely said fuck at least once that time. After the first five I could feel him really put his all into the last 5 swings. I was grabbing the bench and yelling and then when he finished I felt myself tearing up. I don't know what happened, but I felt something rush over me that immediately calmed me. I just let everything that I was feeling go, I had released so many emotions during that spanking that I felt lighter after. When he was done spanking me, we just stayed in position while he held me. I really needed that, I felt so close to him at that moment and I think we really bonded. He made me feel such a relief and I was thankful for him doing that. I still don't know what I was going to cry about, but just tearing up was the final step for me to just let go. We sat there for a few minutes before he finally helped me up and then hugged me again. I felt so much better even though the spanking hurt like Hell. My butt was sore, but the rest of my body was calmly numb. This was just what I needed and now I know that the next time I get spanked, I can just let myself react in whatever way I need to.

I was so happy that I was finally able to not hold back my emotions and it definitely strengthened my bond with Michael as my disciplinarian. I feel as though our progress together will be so much more now that I will emote doing my scenes with him. Michael is great at corporal punishment and I am so thankful that I found him and Dana Kane. They really are the best therapy and I am happy to call them my friends. I hope to feel as much relief the next time I get spanked and I'm happy to say that my ass is taking a spanking much better now!


Dani <3

See the whole scene at Big Stick Spanking!

Painfully Clean

I was in for a surprise today at Michael's house. First off, I was shooting a scene with Dana Kane instead of with Michael, but it was supposed to be more of a fun session. I found out when I got there that it was more fun for Dana than for me. I was told we were actually going to be working on my list, but about something less serious. Somewhere, mixed into my list, was working on doing my house hold cleaning. I can get lazy at times and leave dishes in the sink for a few days, laundry in the dryer and so on. So today Dana was going to do a little test where she had me try to clean dishes as fast as I can, while she was hitting me with a very mean stick. Not only did I have to clean the dishes, but I had to run around and find where they went while wearing 6 inch heels! I was a little nervous, but was happy for the different style scene to be shooting. We started off with me in my nice brown pencil skirt, a tight purple zip up and my heels. Dana said that she was going to turn over a timer for 7 minutes and I was to get completely undressed, minus the heels, put on an apron and clean the dishes before the time was up. If not, then I was to get 20 hard whacks from her long, thick plastic stick. That didn't sound horrible at the time, but man was I wrong!

At this point, I had only been spanked with  leather and wood implements. I must say that plastic is far worse than either. It has the heaviness of wood and the sharp sting of leather and Dana did not take it easy on me. She turned over the timer and almost immediately started whacking me with the stick while I was trying to get undressed. After I took everything off, but my heels, I then put on an apron. I was trying so hard to go fast, but I did not want to fall and I kept moving around every time she hit me. It was a complete challenge to clean dishes while someone is hitting you very hard, from every angle! She had a pile of dishes for me to wash and I had to wash each one separately, which was a little cruel, but I think that was the point. The entire time I am trying to clean, I could hear Dana taunting me at how slow I am moving and that I wasn't going to get the dishes done before my time was up. She also made things harder on me by making little messes for me to clean up in between dishes and then telling me I had to take food out of the oven. I was so flustered from trying to do everything she wanted, while getting spanked and trying to do it as fast as I can. I know that I am not a fast person, at all, but I was trying! 

She knew I wasn't going to make it before the timer went off and started to take it easy on me by taking a break from hitting me. She couldn't help herself, though, and started whacking away not too shortly after stopping. She told me that I not only had to clean the dishes, but look good for my honey when he came home. So after I cleaned the dishes I was too touch up my lipstick and have a glass of wine waiting for him. The timer was almost up and I still had 4 more dishes to do. Dana started counting down the seconds and when it was done she told me to bend over and hold the stove. I was not too happy, but she did warn me what would happen if I didn't finish. She told me to count out loud, and I did, but I struggled to hold my position. That stick really hurt! I couldn't see her swing, but it felt like she was hitting as hard as she could and 20 felt like a big number now. As soon as she was finished she told me to get back to doing my dishes and then putting on my lipstick. I was getting tired, but she did not let me stop and motivated me with that stick some more. I finished the dishes and started touching up my lips, which she replied with that I was even slow doing that! She told me to pour a drink and stand sexily awaiting my husband. Of course, I forgot to take my apron off so I quickly put down the tray with the drink and took my apron off. Dana mentioned how messy the place was so I threw the towels and oven mitts under the counter to make it look nicer.

She had me stand awaiting my husband and practice saying "Hi honey, how was your day?" a couple of times until I could make it sound sensual. This was very hard considering that she was still hitting me, hard, the entire time. Finally she was done with this lesson and told me to relax and take a sip of the wine. I was to remember how much easier doing the dishes was without someone hitting me the entire time. I agreed that this was very difficult and that I promise not to be lazy with the cleaning ever again. As much as this was different, I don't want to have to go through another test like that. She told me to get dressed as she was leaving the room and even that was difficult. I tried to put on my panties and had some trouble getting them around my heels. My mind was still flustered, but my body was done moving. After the scene ended I looked in the mirror at my very bruised behind and saw that her evil plastic stick had actually broken my skin a little. I wasn't bleeding, but it was like a water blister had popped. I guess I wasn't lying to myself when I said that it hurt! I would say I definitely learned my lesson and will keep up on my regular household duties.

Dani

My Enticing Double Life

Its so strange to see myself on video. I remember the discipline vividly, but to re watch it and hear myself is crazy! I find myself wincing during the spanking videos and forgetting that I actually experienced that. It looks so brutal, but I know I can handle a lot when it comes to that. I watch my ass turn from this creamy tan color to pink, red and then purple. It makes me feel proud that I can endure such pain, but that I am also learning from those experiences. The discipline really helps me, little by little, but it does do what its supposed to. I find myself complaining less, being more direct and just overall a happier person!

It is hard for me, though, to be so proud of everything that I am going through and not being able to tell the world. Its as though I live a double life, both of them great in their own ways, but they must stay separate. Not everyone would think that me being disciplined, and filmed while doing so, is a good thing or even a sane thing. In life you have to choose your battles on if it is worth fighting for, at least at the moment. I don't believe a lot of people close to me are ready to know about this part of my life. Maybe they won't ever be ready to know and I need to learn to accept that. I am just glad that I can be true to myself with my fiance and my best friend. They know everything about me, my day to day life and the side of me that is trying to improve. 

I am living a fantasy with my "fetish model" career, yet its not a career at all. It is my life and I am not acting, yet I am satisfying this hunger inside of me. Its weird that this little girl's fantasy of being spanked is now helping me to improve my life. There are so many changes that I am going through and I don't know what to do with all these feelings. As you can tell from this very "word vomit" style blog that I am feeling a lot of different emotions. I need to get them all out and process these feelings. I don't ever want to have pent up, confusing thoughts and feelings. I never thought that I would be one to blog about such deep emotional events, but that ship has long passed. I find that writing for everyone to see is very soothing, even though I have no idea how many people could be reading this. Its nice to know that someone is listening and possibly understanding what I am going through. Well that is all I have to say, for now. I will be writing more and more. Until next time....

Dani <3

"Beating Around the Bush" (Passive-Aggressive Dani)

I woke up not knowing what my discipline session was going to be about. I seemed to be handling not knowing pretty well, I was fine up until I almost got to Michael's. My stomach started twisting and turning even though I thought I was pretty calm. I guess its a good thing that I'm nervous, I probably should be. I get there on time and sit down right away to talk. We catch up a little and then get right to the point of what today is going to be about. Michael starts talking about my last email to him, I asked, well kind of asked him what the today's session was going to be about. To be exact I said, "I wanted to ask you what this session would be about?" which to Michael is a passive-aggressive way of asking. He then asked me if I have ever been called this and I said that I might have been called it before, maybe not directly. Being passive aggressive is not the best, it won't make anyone take you seriously and it causes a lot of the problems on my list. Basically I am trying to get a point across without being to blame for what happens after. I didn't completely understand what he was talking about, but I knew how bad it was to beat around the bush like that. Especially when it came to work, my relationship and any type of issue I want to resolve and not hold a grudge about. We stopped the conversation there and he had me get ready for the shoot. 

This time I didn't need to do any makeup since I guess my face wasn't going to be in the camera. I was supposed to wear tight jeans and my heels. I stood in front of the camera in my light very tight jeans, my black pumps and a bright pink tank top. He didn't explain much before the camera started rolling. I was to take off my tank top, fold it nicely and hand it to him. I then was told to step out of my heels, set them aside and pull my jeans down to my ankles. He then had me step closer to him and face the fireplace before he told me to pull my panties down to my ankles as well. Michael told me to spread my feet as far as they could go with my pants around my ankles still. After that I just bent down and touched the floor, sliding my feet slowly back until he told me to stop. I held that position for a while until he finally came over and started tapping this leather loop on my bottom. It was really light taps, then it got harder, but not by much. He was sort of hitting all over and walking around me, but then he started laughing a little. He asked me if I was comfortable in that position, to which I replied that I wasn't very comfy. Michael chuckled a little more and then asked if I was wondering why he wasn't just getting right to the spanking. He said he was just beating around the bush, which could be pretty annoying, don't ya think? Of course, he was poking the stick at the fact that I do the exact same thing when being passive-aggressive. I was then told that he is going to keep beating around the bush until I am ready to stop and that we both know how much I can take so I better not say it too early, or else.

I told him that I understood and he continued to hit all over, not too hard, but hard enough to make it sting. He kept walking around me, I couldn't see where he was or when he was going to hit, I was completely unaware of most everything in that position. I knew that I was exposed, uncomfortable and being spanked, but the worst part was trying to hold that position and not knowing what he was about to do. I could handle the spanking, yet I don't think that was the main point of this lesson. It was more about the position where I couldn't see and having to wait on Michael to slowly drag out and make his point. I was really starting to understand how annoying beating around the bush can really be. Michael kept going and asking me questions the entire time, not stopping with the whacks while he talked. I was trying to concentrate on holding the position, which was getting harder and harder by the second, but I knew I could take more so I didn't stop him yet. He kept telling me to not move, but my legs and hands were shaking and I would bend my knees or move my hands to try to keep up. When I finally said that I was done, he stopped right away. He then asked if I could take 10 more swats for him, to which I of course said yes to. He was nice enough to make them really fast, well nice in the way that it was less beating around the bush and finally getting to the point. After that he stopped for a minute, possibly looking at his damage and then did one last whack to say that he was finished. He let me stay in that position for a minute longer before helping me up. Michael was kind enough to pull my panties up and give me a hug. Which really does make the discipline feel so much better, it helps me to realize that he is doing this because he cares. I know that the discipline is working and I think a little fear is helpful when wanting to change yourself. I just needed to sit down, or lay down, when I got home and think about what each discipline session is about. This one was going to be tough for me, I think because it involves more of a deeper, underlying problem. 

I know that being passive aggressive is not a good thing, but I still didn't know how to change that after the discipline session. I looked up the definition later to help me better understand and it says that passive aggressive is "direct resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation." After reading that, I feel that I really do fit the description. I think in my head that I am okay with confrontation, but that is not true at all. I don't like people to be mad at me or think that I'm an asshole which is what I am afraid of being if I try to be more aggressive. I try to be a big people pleaser and help anyone I can, even if I should be doing other things. In high school I was what most people called a pushover, but I was just being nice and helping when I could. I never stood up for myself and what I wanted to do. I was very indecisive and I let others make decisions for me. I look back on that now and realize that it was very unhealthy and not so beneficial for myself to be that way. I did things I didn't want to do because I was a pushover and let myself feel unsatisfied in life. 

I guess you can say that being indecisive and a pushover was what lead to some not so great things happening in my life. I could have been aggressive in telling people what I want and others would have taken me more seriously. I really do want to change this passive aggressive personality, but I don't know how to start. My fear of being hated is hard to overcome. I know that it affects my work life in a way that my employees don't take me as seriously as they should. If I don't tell them to do something in a direct way, then they don't think that it needs to be done. I need to be more assertive with my needs at work so the job gets done right. I think that I need to just take things one step at a time and try to nicely tell people what they need to do. It will take time, but I can't think about the big picture with this, I need to slowly change my habits.

The hardest thing about being passive aggressive is how upsetting it is to everyone else. I know my fiancé gets frustrated when I can't tell him what I want. I try to slowly bring up things that I need done or want to do and hope that he gets the hint. I know that it doesn't work well at all and usually just upsets him, but I don't want to be rude or push my needs onto him. What I do is much worse though, its like I'm manipulating him by beating around the bush. If I want something done, yet I don't want to say it, then I bring it up enough times that it becomes his idea to do it. Or if he doesn't get what I'm hinting at all, then I end up holding a grudge for him not understanding what I was getting at. Which is not his fault at all, if I were to just outright say what I want then he would be able to give me a clear answer. It all makes sense in my head, what I need to do, but when it comes down to it I don't want to be dominant. With our dynamic, I feel as though he should make all the decisions, but thats not the case at all. When all is said and done, he is the one that makes the final call, but I can still say what I need and want. Being submissive does not mean that my needs don't get met, yet I have to understand that he is not a mind reader. I need to take steps in changing this behavior because the last thing I want is to make his life harder by having to figure out what I want or need.

It is also very upsetting for me, I mean when you hold a grudge the only person that it is really hurting is yourself. You are the one that is staying angry and letting it ruin your day or your time with that person. Its healthy to talk about and deal with your feelings so they don't build up. Though, when its completely uncalled for being upset because you chose not to ask something of them, then you are in a bind of endless torture. Its not fair to be mad at someone for something that you didn't directly say to them, then you regret not saying it and beat yourself up over it. I know that I do this quite often, especially when it comes to family. I should be able to tell them how I feel, what I want and be able to stand up for myself. I just keep putting myself in these circle of torment when I am passive aggressive. I know that this is going to be hard to overcome, but in the end it will make many things in my life easier. Including helping with many things on my list of stuff to work on. I can already see how this directly relates to holding grudges, I wonder what else this will help deal with. 

Dani

My Good Sir

My 22nd birthday was life changing. Not only did I get my first ever otk spanking, but I got engaged to the most loving man I have ever met! It was completely unexpected and took my breath away when he asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. I mean, I am only 22 and I have found the love of my life and he loves me so much that he actually wants to get married, again.  For a lot of people that had a bad marriage once before, they don't want to marry again since marriage just seems to remind them of is the hardship they went through. I talked to him about marriage before and it sounded like he never wanted to tie the knot again. So when he proposed to me, I was in no way expecting it to happen at all. When we first met, I honestly thought it was just going to be a casual hook up and now we are getting ready to spend the rest of our lives together! He really does know what is best for the both of us and at the right time to do things. We don't have a "normal" relationship to most people, even in the D/s community we don't exactly fit in. Not to say we didn't try to fit into the lifestyle of BDSM, but life works in mysterious ways and what you thought you wanted might not be what you actually end up with.


We met on craigslist when he posted an ad with a story on where his curiosity for BDSM started from. He had posted in the casuals section so I responded thinking I could just have fun since this was only a few weeks after I left ''Master'' permanently. I responded to quite a few ads actually, but I wasn't looking for anything serious like before. I decided I needed to just enjoy being young and still have fun with the BDSM sex life that I knew I loved. I ended up meeting with 2 guys before I finally met with him for the first time. It wasn't because we didn't connect right away, but he actually didn't live in Nevada. He was in the process of moving here when he posted the ad. I guess he wanted to feel less lonely moving to a new place with only his business partner. I came to his house only 3 days after he had moved in, his business partner was their along with some of his partner's family. I didn't know what to expect when I met him, I mean we talked about everything! I thought we were going to have hot kinky sex like the other guys just wanted to do, but he was different. That day, he was actually mad at me for not responding to his text. We already had an agreement that I called him Sir and I were to text him before I went to bed and when I woke up every day. He was also upset with how I responded to him after I forgot to text him. So, we were excited to meet, but we also had some talking to do as well.


When I pulled up to the house, he came out and opened the car door. We just looked at each other for a moment, I mean pictures always look different than the real thing. He let me know that everyone in the house was going to leave soon to explore the city so it wasn't going to be awkward. Of course it was a little strange, I could hear everyone snickering in the background since he already had some strange girl over, but I didn't care if he didn't. I followed him back to his room where he shut the door and let his dog say hi to me so he would calm down. He asked me if I wanted anything to drink and I said yes, a soda would be fine. I didn't know what to do, but I was trying to be as respectful as possible since I was already in trouble. I had to write down on a piece of paper "I will check in with Sir when I wake up, throughout the day and before bed" multiple times and bring it to our first meeting. I had it out and ready when he came back with my soda, which I kindly asked where I could put my soda down so as to not ruin his furniture. He had me place it on his night stand and then he looked over the list to see that I wrote it as many times as he told me to. We then sat down on his bed and talked about a few things, I mentioned that I was seeing a few other guys at the moment. He already knew it and asked that if he wanted me to, would I stop seeing those guys. I told him that I wasn't looking for anything serious, but I couldn't say right then if I could answer his question. We talked a little about what I had done with the other guys and if he had met any other girls since he posted his ad. To which he responded that I was the only one he had met and that once he started talking to me that he took the ad down. I was a little shocked, but it was nice that he was wanting to just concentrate on our relationship to see if it had a chance. Of course, this happy conversation didn't last for too long since I was in some trouble with him.


We heard everyone leave and then he got right to the point of asking if I had any training with being submissive. I hadn't really had any training, I told him that the last guy wasn't the best example of a Dom. He then told me to sit on my the floor with my legs under me, my back straight and my hands face up on my thighs. I was then supposed to look down and not move until he told me so. He got up, left to get a soda for himself, then sat down and turned on the tv. It was actually really hard not to look up with the tv on, but I didn't want to disappoint him. Not more than 15 minutes later, he turned off the tv, pulled my top down and placed my hair a certain way. This time when he left, he as gone for longer. I am not sure what he was doing, but I did move a little while he was away. As soon as he got back he noticed that my hair was different. He said that he understood if I moved my head a little and I said something and then giggled. He then slapped my face saying that I was not told to speak and that it was not a laughing matter. I shut up right away and looked down, I almost felt like crying but it wasn't because I was scared of him. It was that I didn't know what to do. He then asked me if I was comfortable in this position, to which I then replied that my feet were going numb. He was nice enough to let me change positions to on my hands and knees, again with my head facing down. He got back up on the bed and turned on the tv while I sat there for a few more minutes. He saw me swaying a little and said that I was not to move. He got down and said that this is supposed to be a little uncomfortable, but I was to do as I was told. I stayed in that position a little longer and then he asked me if I wanted him to train me. I said yes and then he asked me if I wanted anything since I was being a good girl. I told him I wanted to be spanked since that was supposed to be part of my punishment. He was not happy with that answer.


According to him, I wasn't supposed to ask for anything and that he didn't know if I was really a submissive. I told him that I really was and I was sorry, he agreed that I still needed to get my spanking since he wanted to follow through with what he said. I lied down on the floor and he got a little irritated since he was trying to find a place to mark me up that wasn't already bruised. He got up, got the hair brush and told me to spread my legs. I had 8 strokes coming to me, and he started right away. I didn't say anything and again, he got upset that I wasn't thanking him. I started counting this time and saying thank you sir after each one. He didn't really follow the counting since he was trying to make sure he got a good enough hit each time, if not then he would do it again and say it didn't count. When he was finished he had me get up on my knees and start to please him, but he didn't let me finish. Which to me, was very strange, but he didn't want me to have the satisfaction. He knew that doing that would be my punishment and he had so much self control that he was able to do that knowing that I needed to be punished more. That is honestly one of the main reasons that I kept seeing him. He already seemed like the perfect Dom for me. He knew what I liked, what I didn't like, what got my attention and how to help me. He wasn't being selfish in any way, but he did what was best for both of us. It is no surprise that only a week later he asked me to stop seeing the other guys and I said yes. I couldn't help it, I was falling for him.


Things moved so fast with us, but at the time it felt so right. I never expected to get serious, move in and work together! I don't even think a month had passed since we met that I was already living in his room, helping set up his shop and doing everything together. We tried to incorporate BDSM into our life when we could, but we couldn't act like that around other people. We didn't want others asking questions, so we would train in the room when we had time. It was mostly just me sitting on the floor in a certain position for as long as he told me to. I was to think about things like, not asking questions when he tells me to do something or even thinking about what it means to be submissive. We did this for awhile, but we got so busy that we didn't have much time to do any training at all. We were always around other people and helping start up his business or I was at school. At some point, it just stopped and we became a "regular" couple. Minus the fact that I would wear a chain around my neck with a lock to symbolize that he owned me. I loved having that around my neck, it reminded me that he really did choose me. After awhile I would complain that we weren't doing anything BDSM, not even in our sex life. He would incorporate it a little, but nothing major like I expected. We were just so busy with our day to day lives that we kind of forgot about why we got together. I think in my head I was expecting this big ordeal on how my training would go. I was picturing ropes, chains and toys that I couldn't even imagine in our sex life and for my training. He made me realize that even though we weren't setting aside time to train, that he was still being my Dom. He was my mentor, he told me what to do when I needed to make decisions, he helped me sort out my stressors, he got me to be a better person and he just made my life better overall. He managed to help me without me even noticing that I was changing into a better person.


We may not be some crazy D/s couple with a dungeon, but we aren't normal either. We are a mix of everything that suits us just right. I said before that life doesn't always turn out the way you thought it would and I can honestly say that its true. I never pictured when I went on line that I would find the man I am marrying from a simple casual encounters ad. I always hated when people would tell me that love will find you when you least expect it, but they are damn-it, they were right! I didn't find someone who fit into some neat little category of a Dom and I sure as hell am not some person's idea of a submissive, but thats what I love about our relationship. It defies all boundaries, we aren't boxed in to anything and we don't care what people think about us. We are comfortable being ourselves with each other, we don't have to hide anything and we don't get sick of each other. We work with each other and can still come home happy to see each other and just talk for hours. I know that we love each other because we don't have to be doing anything at all to be happy. That is something that I never expected to find and I am the luckiest person in the world to be marrying him.

Dani